Thursday, August 14, 2008

technological difficulties, or murphy's law of publishing?

first of all, let me start off by saying that our zine turned out amazing. spectacular! truly, each student really took the project to heart, wrote something and created a page that represented who they are, what they're thinking about, and with such style! i am so proud of my summer students.

thrilled about how the project turned out, i had W, my assistant editor, help me put the last few touches on it, waited for pages from a few more students on wednesday and set off with A, my other assistant editor, to make photocopies... while the rest of the students went on a trip (to see batman, so sad that my leg prevented me from going). i had A print out and add the staff biographies, table of contents, etc while i started on the copying. about 100 pages into an 1,000 page copy project, the machine got a misfeed. being a copy machine aficionado, i pulled the machine apart and retrieve the jammed paper. it jammed again, on the next copy. and again, again, times 20. we spend the next hour trying to work on the machine, all 4 of us experienced office women who will roll up our sleeves to get a job done. our work goes unrewarded, and i apologize to the kind folks at the ASPIRA office who let me use their facilities. i feel horrible about jamming the machine!

J takes the master copy and adds some more photos to it, but we didn't get it copied in time for the last day of the summer program, which bummed me out. though, the students and staff will get to receive it in the mail in a week or two (or at school in the beginning of the year). i had especially wanted them to be able to autograph each other's zines, as they are all now published authors. i did get to stand up at the ceremony today and announce and congratulate them for their hard work. i agree with V, it will be cool for them to get them in the mail, to remind them of their summer just as it's starting to fade from their minds.

i think i will quote Langston Hughes all my life, in reference to students. if they think that our contact is going to be brief, they need to rethink it. once you have been in my classroom, you're stuck with me. our contact with not be constant, but i expect to hear about your successes, your struggles and your landmarks. i expressed this to them and got their contact info, if they're not going to be my students in the fall. we had a wonderful ceremony, a great BBQ that included teachers beating students in hoops, dance lessons by J and L, a battle between J and V and big ole dance circles. so many parents came up to say hello; it was really nice to be so welcomed into the community.

i will miss seeing these students in front of me everyday. but this experience had ignited my passion for teaching, and confirmed that this is what i'm meant to do. it feels amazing to have landmark moments to solidify this. thank you to everyone who helped support me in the program this summer. the pleasure was truly mine.

cheers,
lauren

Saturday, August 9, 2008

mending and zinesterism

i am healing, but at jurassic pace. i tend to always think of "why things happen" and i'm convinced that i get injured about once a year so that i will slow down, and re-learn the lesson that sometimes i need help. i have always said that i need support and people to hold me up, but i am incredibly self-sufficient. it's so difficult for me to not have my full physical faculties, and to remember that when my body isn't healthy, much of my energy must be devoted to healing.

so, having divine inspiration at 1:00am to begin fleshing out the zine i'm working on with my students was unexpected. i have been working on my fall curriculum map for most of the day, and chatting with a few students about the papers they need to finish over the weekend. H was getting all metacognitive about why he can't write during class:




R was professing his love for poetry because he can "take out" his feelings.
i imagined him taking his feelings out of his pockets:



and L was just being sweet. she'd said that her class was a handful and i said that i didn't think so, that i enjoyed them:




I've found that myspace is an excellent way to connect, but setting up a time once or twice a week where I get on AIM during the evening/on the weekend, so that they can contact me about questions they have with their papers is the best way. They're always on AIM, and without me even reminding them, they'll say "Miss, I'm working on the paper." Just my presence outside of the classroom, digitally, causes them to recall assignments (Liz, I'm sure you've found this, too, with your cell phone research). It's not the be-all end-all solution to getting homework turned in, because it assumes that students have internet access and/or a computer at home, but another way to be in touch and get them to make that school-to-home transfer of knowledge. L actually IM'ed me this morning, talking about personal writing she was working on in addition to class work.

much more to say, but i'm exhausted. i feel that i've done a great deal of work today, which was much-needed. i still have to grade papers and get the layout for the zine done by monday, but i swear, i will turn them into lovers of the independent publishing world by the end of this week. having their own writing be in their hands in a little booklet is going to turn some, not all, into zinesters. at the very least, i hope that they use it as a yearbook, to remember each other by their work, as well as socially.

we'll see how it goes. i'll keep you updated. happy weekend!
xo
lo

Sunday, August 3, 2008

33 stitches later.

speaking of crisis, i guess it was time to get in touch with my subject matter. today i got to see one of the hospitals in my neighborhood, from the inside. everything about this move back has been so easy, i knew it was time for something to happen.

* i have an amazing job teaching 9th grade English in the bronx.
* i get to completely design my curriculum, and align it with the world history studies.
* i found a wonderful summer sublet in a loft with two amazing folks.
* i just signed a lease on a fabulous brownstone apartment 2 blocks away.
* i am in love with my life.

so, all this past week i've been thinking that the other shoe had to drop. and it did, in the form of traumatic injury. on my way up to my loft this afternoon, one of the rungs on the wooden ladder broke, and i fell through. on the way down, the screws previously holding the rung to the frame caught my leg.

i had never seen so much blood, much less my own, pooling at my feet. i just kept staring at the open gash, the flow of crimson down my leg. my fingers started to tingle and i felt faint. shock shuddered through me with a sweat. i cried out to my roommate, who flew across the room.

somehow, being half conscious, i was still able to mumble to get a towel, apply pressure, tie a scarf so she could call 911. when trying to lift my leg to free myself from the ladder, the blood ran more quickly. she told me to stay with her, and wait. i went deep inside of myself and tried to keep my eyes open. i couldn't look down at the floor. keep looking up. don't close your eyelids.

suddenly, 8 men were in the room, trying to cut me out of the ladder, give me oxygen, bandage the wound and calm me down. one of them washed my feet and said "this is the last time i'm giving you a bath, okay?" i laughed and was thankful for someone making a joke.

Just talk to me, keep my head off of this, I kept silently pleading and mina complied. we got there and were taking ER photos on her phone, talking of everything else we could think of, but were both into the gore of it, too. she watched my muscle move from the inside. we took CSI-style photos of the "crime scene" when we got home later.

it was quite an ordeal that i quietly endured. saying nam-myoho-renge-kyo in my head as they discussed the strategy for sutures. complimented for my composure in this situation, but i have to say it was fascinating to be able to look inside a part of myself. maybe understand the inner workings of my wants, if only for a moment.

i still can't get my head around the way the body deals with immense pain. it's as if to say we are supposed to shut down while it repairs us, that we have modeled our technology after our own designs. will we be aware of the slow takeover, the subtle creeping of these machines?

the major thought on my mind before this afternoon's events transpired was how i feared a technological takeover of romance. you know me, i am romantic with friends and friends with romantics. could it be that we are headed for text msg relationships, break-ups, sex and reconciliation?

yes, we are going there. and i will have scars to prove that i've been. 33 stitches, to be exact.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Conquering Crisis.

I know I'm asking for psychological trauma when I ask my students to write essays about a crisis in their lives, and how they learned to cope. It hurts to know that they've been through so much pain. I had them start by writing a poem and then pinpointing the crisis in one word. Then we outlined our thesis and topic sentences together. I was trying to talk about how the thesis is the heart of the essay when I looked up and realized how many of them were lost in thought. Realizing that I had opened an industrial size can of worms, I had to stop the lesson and play social worker for awhile. We gathered into a circle as I explained that I wasn't trying to hurt them by forcing them to tell difficult stories, I was trying to help them remember how strong they are in their ability to learn how to heal. Their lives are hard and the expectations on them so low. Please just let me raise the bar they set for themselves.

Walking the line between getting too involved in students' stories and coming off callous and uncaring is difficult. I sense myself galvanizing, protecting my mushy heart. I am starting to understand the professional distance that you must keep from your students, or you will hold their pain in your chest cavity, too. It still amazes me what they will tell you about themselves and their lives if you provide the opportunity. M came out to me today, while A wrote a seething poem about his father's death. C talked about being neglected by her parents. R talked about being sexually abused. S talked about being beat up daily for being the smallest kid on the block. All of them laid out narratives about pain, fear, hatred, feeling unloved, not belonging, being depressed, being unhealthy, not having enough to eat. Living in darkness at home because their parents can't pay the bills.

Talk about perspective. Fuck the digital divide, what about the quality of life divide? While it's true that my students aren't being exposed to technology in the same way as their suburban counterparts, which is horrible... that's really not high on my priority list right now, when they have such basic needs that aren't being met. I always bring my lunch but I rarely eat it, I usually give it to my students. Last year, we noticed that they were wearing hoodies to school in January, because they didn't have coats. I started raiding thrift stores for warm things to slyly pass to them as gifts when no one was looking.

I tell these stories not to shock you, not to bring praise to myself or to tell you that everyone should work in an urban public school. Clearly, not every teacher enjoys, or is meant for this struggle. To me it's not an option, it's not a choice, and I don't say that heading for martyrdom. I feel an intense connection to this struggle, which was my own, and in helping these students find value and purpose in their lives. I know that these students are going to be responsible for the widespread cultural change in this country that I hope I live to see. I know that they will be the ones to ask the right questions, demand answers, unite and stand up for their rights.

Pac said, "the elevation of today's generation, if I can make them listen." They weren't listening today. And I was asking the wrong questions. I've learned that being stern is how they see that I care for them. Having high expectations and maintaining consistency is how I gain their respect. Calling them out is how they know I'm looking out for their backs. They're still crazy, self-involved and won't get off of myspace, so I grab their myspace addresses and remind them to finish their essays.

I don't know what I'm trying to say, I'm just trying to speak their language. On Monday, they caused a first draft that I've been trying to write for a year. I love this group already, too. This is going to be a long life of saying hello and goodbye to students, and hoping that I can give them skills that will help them work hard on this world.

xo
lo

Thursday, July 24, 2008

jeopardy as a test of skillz

their homework for the weekend was to go around the neighborhood and find 5 signs or business awnings that are grammatically incorrect. i specifically instructed them to NOT go inside to the business and let them know about their spelling errors, that's not the point, ha! the point is to get them thinking about grammar outside of my classroom.

speaking of grammar, this all came about when i was grading their first essays of the summer. while there is differentiation within every class, i was impressed that their skill level is higher than many of my detroit students, but there are certain students (mostly those who grew up elsewhere and have recently moved to the US) who need desperate help. while i love assessment and am constantly assessing, i hate tests, especially grammar recitation and memorization. ugh. so we played jeopardy and i also treated it as a grammar test. they received a group grade and 5 points for every correct answer, toward a 50 point test. every second wasted was one less question they'd get to answer towards points.

i was picking my jaw up on the floor when i saw how they would write down a sentence, pass the paper to each group member for approval, go over it, read it out loud and then answer the question. different students were coming to the board for each question and they were pooling their resources like it was a job they'd been doing for years. in the end, the lowest grade on the test was 40/50. not too shabby, though i need to figure out what that mental roadblock is between knowing the grammar rule but not using it in your writing. laziness, i think that's its name.

i have been blessed to receive astoundingly positive feedback from my students, who are apparently telling their parents that they love my class. my supervisors have asked for my curriculum for the summer, so that they can try to replicate it next year if i decide not to teach summer school again. we'll see how it goes, but it feels fabulous to know that i'm enjoying the work so much, and am doing well at it. the math teacher, however, is having trouble getting them to behave and focus in her class. i suspect that her approach is more traditional, and i also suspect that they're acting out to hide low skills, as most of them are in this summer program for credit recovery in math.

but leaving on a good note, i'm halfway through the program and yesterday the highlight was again johanna. i just talked to my co-worker (who i'm subletting from this summer) about johanna, because she had her in math last year. she told me that 1/2 of the emails she would write about student stories were about johanna, so i laugh that this is the 2nd blog in which i've mentioned her. we had a roundtable dicussion (i'm scaffolding towards a socratic seminar) and i told them that it was crucial that there was no handraising and that i was not a part of the conversation. they had to figure out a way to communicate with one another. she suggests using one of thomas' drumsticks as a talking stick, and what began as a heated argument turned into a great discussion. hassid brought in jelani's opinion, by asking him about what he thought. i'm thoroughly impressed by these students, for real.

and with that, i'm headed off downtown to go see krs-one fo' free, suckas!! you wish you were in new york during the summer time!

xoxo
lo

Monday, July 14, 2008

"Whatupdoe?" you mean "What's good?"

so i played "whatupdoe?" with my students on the first day, and they laughed because "that's not how we do, Lauren." but it's Detroit, and i miss Detroit, so they played along and got all exaggerated in their "What Up DOE?!?!". they're great. already, johanna is giving me excellent feedback about my teaching style. coming from 9th grade at the school i'm teaching at in the fall, she knows the culture and whether she knows it or not, is inviting me into it.

i feel at home in the bronx already. i live in an industrial district turned arts and antique district, within walking distance from the summer program with ASPIRA. my students are great, but don't tell my Earhart students that. making the transfer from past students to present is going to be difficult, especially when i still keep in touch with them via email. oh, and myspace. (see links to the right)

i have very quickly built a 6 week summer curriculum for this pilot program, based on building basic reading and writing skills that the students will need in high school. i'm currently reading a ton of young adult novels to nail down the fall, see what they already have on the shelves before i place a book order. there's a lot that i could make work. i love being able to take an idea and go with it. will communicate more about the English/Global aligned curriculum asap, especially for you, trigger.

xoxo
lo

p.s. missing my smacdown team. you're all in my hearts and in my lesson plans. ha.

gotta roll...

Friday, June 13, 2008

Honestly.

My dear friend Nickie P. and her crew the 7Chakraz played a show with Doodlebug, formerly of Digable Planets (love them! and love him, he was such a cool cat). One of 7C's best songs is called honesty, in which the hook is, "Honesty, I keep it real with you, you keep it real with me..." I feel that I'm sifting through so much dishonesty lately and I just want to break it all open with the truth. ("All I ever wanted was the truth from you")

So things fall together, not apart right now (wish I could teach that book next year, but I think they read it in 10th grade anyway). I found a wonderful unit on greek mythology to teach, and now I'm settling on research for Mesopotamia and Ancient Egypt. Know any great first-hand texts? I feel like it's going to be a year of creating our own mythologies, ha. I have soooo much work to do before I get there on the 1st. It's hard to believe I'm leaving in 3 weeks. I feel prepared and ready, but not so much.

Here's a partial list of what I think I may teach this fall. Suggestions or comments always welcome.

➢ The Epic of Gilgamesh (and some Sumerian creation myths)
➢ The Egyptian Book of the Dead
➢ The Art of War – Sun Tzu
➢ Li Sao (The Lament) – Qu Yuan
➢ The Ramayana
➢ The Mahabharata
➢ Theogony - Hesiod
➢ Metamorphoses – Ovid (includes Echo and Narcissus, Psyche, Persephone, Prometheus, etc)
➢ The Odyssey - Homer

I'm looking forward to this already!! It's going to be new and exciting for me to try and figure out relevancy to my students' lives when working with such old texts. But I'm determined to do it and do it well!

Cheers,
Lauren