today i am sankofa, i must look back to move forward.  from 2002, i was calling to you, just waiting for you to formally accept the challenge.  nam myoho renge kyo. 

*as always*

of books thrown from balconies
onto white streets, of sheets
closing over one body.

we kept the lights on
throughout violent storms
of vacant arms,
bringing hush to a close,
saying goodnight.

it's not my style to leave
without waking you, so
i wake you from far away,
with my metal door latching.
the sounds of the ways i wish i want.

(as always)

is not a truth held to lips
quieter than anything on my skin,
there is more hush to me
than there used to be.

fold over, unhinging
my back from my you's,
cascade down and lightning, later.
repeat home until home
leaves for elsewhere.

why grit resonates with me.

my organization has been focused on grit this year, or the idea that teaching students how to persevere through difficult times is a coping skill that is connected to success.  our field-based research and practice has revolved around how we ourselves, as educators, become gritty and model this character trait for our students.  Angela Duckworth is the leading researcher on this concept, and she has written and spoken extensively about her findings.

i have a personal connection to this concept; my Finnish heritage informs much of what i do, and our national identity revolves around "sisu", which means "tenacity", translated into English.  we pride ourselves as a country on our resilience; throughout history the Finns were repeatedly conquered and have had to fight to maintain our sense of identity, our land, our language and our livelihood in the frigid climate near the North Baltic Sea.  my grandparents tell the family stories that their parents told them of the old country: of difficult fishing seasons and hunting for scarce game in order to keep their families fed in subzero temperatures.

this is why grit resonates with me so much - i've been taught this character trait through my family, and it's become a part of my life and outlook.  when i taught high school, we talk about coping strategies and how they can get through tough times by using humor, the creative process and other outlets for dealing with anger, grief and depression.  my next entry will be a final project for a class i'm taking, about how i'm applying character education to my classroom, and grit is the trait that resonates with me so clearly.

gemini rising

there are simultaneously two things happening in my mind.

1) mourning the decision finding Jordan Davis's killer not guilty.  this part speaks of the unspeakable pain and suffering of losing a child, that so many people experience daily in our collective past.  the system is not broken, it is functioning exactly as it was designed:
On the Killing of Jordan Davis

2) envisioning a future of peace and non-violence.  this part has to exist, or i would be catatonically depressed at the state of our nation and of our world.  the violence seems unceasing, but i have to believe that it is possible to make change.  for me, it is just one person at a time.  my contributions are small, but i am vibrantly, electrically overjoyed about the blessings i have in my life.
Pharrell Williams - Happy

it is difficult to have these things co-exist, but one thing that i have learned this year is that life is not either/or, it is both/and.  it is moments like this when i remember that i am a gemini.   good morning. :)

the kitchen table

i am learning more about the other side of education than the one i knew at Banana Kelly.  i often say that education does not only happen in classrooms, it happens on softball fields, and hockey rinks and soccer pitches and front stoops, and kitchen tables.  though i was a coach and after-school educator in my past, i have mostly worked in classrooms or computer labs, and have access to lots of materials that can help me help kids.  so while my job as a teacher is challenging, i do have resources at my fingertips.

i am learning about home - and educating at home, as well as at work.  because it is easy to come home from teaching and vegetate.  i will often lay like broccoli on my couch and imbibe the d-i-y attitudes of folks on HGTV.  but my son raises his hands, asking to be held, and wants to continue learning when i get home.  i need to find the patience and energy to begin a new lesson, the most important one of the day, after my energy is completely spent.  we are writing, drawing, dancing, moving, listening to music... i am starting off slow.  but i want to be organized enough to come home with a daily lesson, something to share with my favorite student (who is already schooling me on life and what's important).

i plan to send m.j. to public schools, because i am a public school educator and i believe in it.  this will be a struggle within my family, but i'm confident in my ability to supplement and enrich what he's doing in school and provide growth opportunities at home.  recently i've started to toy with the idea of teaching him at home, though it's not a foreseeable financial reality, i know that i could teach him well and raise a conscious, aware and critically thinking child.  but he also needs socialization, and i am an interloper at heart, i love to be within institutions so that i can examine and deconstruct them.

i've also been interrogating what my next steps are, and i miss the classroom endlessly - but i want to change the shape and nature of where i work and who i serve, as i'm not where i want to be right now.  i want to work with incarcerated youth next, as there is a location where unconditional love is needed.  i want to travel, often.  i want to see the world and continue learning how to become a better teacher. i don't want to be an administrator.  i always want to work directly with students.  and i want to retire from teaching and become a DJ, spinning in the barn on our farm.  but i hope that the farm too can become a place for teaching, because i will never retire from my desire to grow.

Institutional Interloper

Sometimes your first drafts are meant to stay that way, but my zine days are coming back to me, and I feel like I am overflowing with words and feelings, that simply must scrape their way into the light.  So even though a more poignant letter exists from the entire faculty of the College of Education in the Washington Post, here is my abbreviated version.  I cannot work for EMU and not call out the ironic and oxymoronic nature of a college known for its Education programming partnering with an organization designed to demolish public schools as we know them.  Hyperbolic as I may be, and as hard as teachers work in any school, EAA, charter, public or private... the graveness in my voice is real.  I am worried that we are witnessing the beginning of the end for public education.

"So, what happens when the institution you work for contradicts with your politics and ethics about life? You feel the need to respond, as an educator, who is invested in reflective pedagogies of consciousness... to acknowledge and call out that a teaching college for undermining the very profession to which we're committed, to understand what motivates us to partner with the devil.

Detroit is under seizure... We are violently transforming public to private, for the gains of a small few, and I urge you to interrogate what our college gains from this partnership.  Certainly the students we teach are not going to gain from the upheaval within our public education system, with every child being left behind, in the wake of testing the tests for the best test-takers.  We have tested our brains to death.

I am an educator committed to servicing public school kids, because I firmly believe that every child has a right to a rigorous, quality education. Please join me in standing up for a public, collaborative solution to Detroit's failing schools and not selling our kids out to an emergency manager that wants to turn education into a business, our children into products.  Please consider disconnecting from our partnership with EAA, siding with our teachers' unions and the understanding that public services should remain public, transparent and accountable to citizens."

Instead of sending this first draft outward into the world, I decided to let it breathe here... where only 3 people will ever see it.  I have since contacted the faculty members who have contributed to this letter, in order to sign it myself, and will be attending the December 10th Regents meeting where this item is discussed with the university community.  I hope I am like Grace Lee Boggs, and never grow out of being active.

a new home for an old soul

i have always fluctuated in the way that i approach new paths -- sometimes i am a full-speed-ahead voyager, other times i proceed with caution.  the path that after-school paved is no different.  i flung myself head-first into this work, but find comfort in the familiar - writing lesson plans, professional development, too many meetings to keep straight in my mental calendar. there is the comfort of september and bulletin boards brazen with our boasts.

i am comfortable knowing that my fight against injustice takes place no matter where i am, and that finding peaceful solutions to violence has become a daily way of life.  I’ve learned so much in returning to the place I grew up to work, breathe and be again.  i do not always practice what i preach, but in terms of the ways i connect with students, i try hard.  one of the things that students have said to me before is that they want to learn from me because i tell them stories about myself, my life, who i am.   i don't know any other way to teach, than to talk about my experiences.  if i connect what we're learning to myself, there's a greater chance that my students will try to connect it to themselves, as well.

with strong movement professionally, it’s interesting that i find myself personally withdrawing – but it’s a testament to the fact that my heart now lives outside of my body, in the form of a 12 month old runningman, with comedic timing like no other, a double-dimpled grin that absolutely leaves me powerless, and a natural Mohawk to die for.  while i have not grown comfortable while waxing domestic, the role of motherhood is much like the role of teaching.  i come to the work jumping off of cliffs without looking, and find myself too exhausted to sleep… yet the joy is unparalleled.  my son is more astounding than i could’ve ever guessed, so much so that i struggle to write well about his influence on my psyche.

but one thing is for sure – he is an old soul.  he hears music from the past and recognizes it; he is well beyond his year.  the time that separates us is spent working with other children, sharing my stories, teaching them new ways to do and think, trying to complete the circle so that one day i will practice what i preach full-time, and know how to navigate the newest path unfolding before my feet.

a classroom elegy

welcome back to my educator friends!  i enjoy the crisp air of fall during the evenings of late summer, because it signals another year of opportunity, growth and learning -- for both me and my students.  while i understand how short the breath of fresh air during summer can feel, i also have a new respect for people in other professions who do not get the glory of a well-deserved summer.  though i am still in education, i am not currently a classroom teacher, and spent my summer in programs with youth, running events with families and planning for the fall - so my vacation was lived in weekend getaways up north or day trips to my favorite Michigan places.

this year, we have lofty goals in our program to increase our connection to the school day, so that we are reflecting routines and habits of mind that classroom teachers are using, and to increase and invite parent connections in our program - so that there begins to be parity between what we're teaching and the messages students are getting at home.  we have a unique position as an after-school program that requires our parents to pick-up, that we see them on a daily basis.  we're also looking to build community partnerships in Wayne and Westland, so that we can build our community action club and youth advisory council's connections to life outside of our program.

more updates coming soon!  good luck setting up your classrooms (for those in NYC) and on your opening days with kids (in Michigan).  may it be a great fall of questioning, reading, writing and understanding a little more each day.

cheers,
lo