Saturday, February 5, 2022

joy and rest

well, to answer my last post, yes, i do know how to rest.  but i have turned a corner and fallen from a steep cliff, my body needs the rest so much that i cannot climb out of bed.  it has been a winter where i've consciously been focusing on joy and rest, but it seems that the joy is centrally located in my classroom, and the rest happens at home.  to be clearer, i beeline from the front door to my "home clothes" to my bed.  this hibernation is normal for me every year, but it is not yet normal to my kids, and it's to a deeper degree than in previous years. 

i am trying to create spaces for joy and quiet during the winter, as a part of our practice.  we slow down, we read, we create, we connect, we gain inspiration from the stars, we are cozy, we sleep.  this is the counterclaim to their vibrancy, and they're not sure what to do with all this gray.  i promise i will get my color back, in the spring and summer. 

the winter is an important time to rest, and yet i've been struggling with the guilt around it.  i should be doing more, i should be cleaning this, organizing that, showing up at this event.  i am so, so tired, though, and i am struggling to hold space for the grief that has taken over my body.  i just need to be here with her, and let her wreak havoc.  we must break open to heal, and must trust that rest is what we really need. 

thank you for being with me as i break open, and fold over, and hunker down in the snow.  spring will come.  in the meantime, joy in the everyday and allowing the rest my bones need. 

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