2nd semester - marking a moment.

i am beginning to understand why many teachers stay in this district for 2 or 3 years and are out. never one to abandon a challenge (and usually the one to run toward it), i knew this when i signed up. what i didn't know was how large my responsibilities would be outside of my classroom, and how much that would affect my focus and my day. here's what i've learned: it takes an incredible amount of work to keep a school functioning, and in a small school, it takes every single member of the team working to the point of exhaustion.

another unfortunate thing that i've learned is that what our school does best (loves, nutures, encourages, becomes family to many students) is not assessible and thus not important to the construct that we work within. we are graded (quite literally, thanks bloomberg and klein) on our test scores and graduation rates, not on how effectively we provide an environment that students want to come to, stay way after school and come in on weekends... not on how effectively we can reach kids who are on the verge of or a part of the criminal justice system... not on how we work our asses off to find ways for the kids to engage, connect and actually learn the material in a relevant way (by talking about the bronx river and how we impact that ecosystem in science, by talking about math and problem practice as building neural pathways in the brain, by talking about how what we learn from cultures and civilizations of the past can impact decisions we make today, by talking about art, film and music as ways to deal with some of the stress of your life).

we have been working ridiculously hard in the ELA dept to make our work meaningful to the students and ALSO build in the skills that they need to pass our state exams. to help them question and analyze, read books, videos and other media with a critical eye. but we struggle with absenteeism, low monthly attendance, overage students, and those to whom the street's call is far louder in their ears. our small victories with individual kids are often not quantized in the ways that matter, on our school report card and in the quality review we undergo each year.

but it does not mean that the work is not worth it, or that i'm packing up and leaving. it is just marking a moment about how hard the work is, but how important it is to keep getting up the morning and trying my best.

xo
lo

Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made...

aww, there's nothing like kids singing alicia keys to brighten my saturday morning and remind me of the importance of arts and music education in public schools. look at how much these kids love to sing. yeah, ps 22 in staten island and their teacher, Mr. B!



i found this video through donorschoose.org, which has been a really great resource for me this year. i've actually obtained a video camera for my classroom through this website and am in the process of putting together some really great work of my students, though it will take many consent forms until i'm able to share it this way.

my art teacher and good friend turned me onto this site and i'm hoping to also use it to get more independent reading books this spring. i'm also changing the way that we interact with books 2nd semester, by trying to have the kids use their independent reading books to write literary letters and let other readers know about their books. i'd also like to have them identifying literary elements in the writing of their books and deepening their reading experience. we're putting on a poetry reading in my room on Monday, so i'll be sure to send updates about their success! and you better believe we'll be rolling the video camera.

happy grading to everyone. we have our Regents exams next week, so it's a bit of a stressful time around the halls. i needed to remind myself this week that i must take care of myself first. get your rest, relaxation and take a break, my fellow teachers.

xo
L

long time no blog!

hey there, folks of the interwebs!

it has been a minute since i've written, personally or professionally. aside from lesson plans and worksheets, of course, as those are the daily weapons i wield to ward off evil. lol. let's see... we've published a newspaper and started our stereotypes/American Born Chinese graphic novel unit, which is fabulous so far. i gave my 2nd periodic assessment today... (sigh of relief). oh! and thanks to my amazing 13 year old cousin, i have about 20 new independent reading books in my library, donated by her and her friends in Ann Arbor to my students in the Bronx. contact me if you have young adult books that you no longer need! we had our first amazing, totally-silent-with-every-kid-engrossed-in-reading day on Monday! small successes mean so much.

in extra-curricular news, we're working on making the LPS site into a lit mag, as well as running newspaper as an after-school club (1st meeting tomorrow), and hosting a poetry reading in February. fundraising for Detroit has hit a stand-still, as there's been so much else on my plate that i can't help the students plan effectively for a large fundraiser. we'll see what happens... it's a work in progress and hopefully the election of officers will help the LPS crew to step up to the plate.

i've also been working with this awesome organization at our school, United Playaz. i am learning a lot from the two leaders and the students about how to run a student-centered organization and how to make the students feel invested and accountable toward the community they build together. we're taking students to a youth conference on Saturday -- so excited for that! we're also going to run a clothing/supplies drive for the victims of the earthquake in Haiti. prayers and love go out to everyone there.

much love and updates at 11!

xo
lo

2nd draft - freedom poem

We, who have never been.

“miss, that’s racist!”
they say, without knowing
how deep the puncture
wound really goes.
our lungs are collapsing
as we search for breath
but pull in water and wool,
our eyes swollen from salt
that has never flavored
our own distaste
for another race.

they call us free
but my heartbeat
contradicts the simile:
freedom is like an eagle
soaring upon the
crisp, November wind.
this has never been.

we live in meter and time,
spill out our own
rhythm and rhyme, and
off---beat
sta –
ca-
to –
or a sick syncopation
or simpatico
is always suspect.

tell me
about freedom
again.

i want to hear the fiction
we paint on the backdrop
of our lives to cover up
the true story.
these lies we hold to be
self-evident, i am pleading
for evidence of our guilt
to be brought before
the court, for the broken
backs to be bandaged
in retrospect.

but we turn the cheek
to what we see
and retell the story
that we’ve been trained with.
let freedom ring, as if its ever
filled our avenues with its
beautiful song, of sorrow
we know, of free we can
only hold onto the bars
and hope.

everyday a siren sounds
to pull you over, you;
the usual suspect.
everyday a block traversed,
a stop and search,
tear you down on
every corner uptown because
you are young, black and
obviously dangerous.

what did you know and
when did you know it?
tell me about the first time
the dream had a crack in it,
had a rip and tear so small
that you just swear
you could overlook it.

this dream deterred
has never been built
on a belief of equality,
just a borrowed billboard
slogan to help us buy
into our own brand
of bigotry.

(still sounds awkward to end it this way... i'll be posting it to my students this week on IPG to elicit their help!)

xo
Lauren

Poetry Takes Us By Storm!!!

Wow. We have had massssssive issues surrounding technology this fall, which I don't wish to get into. Suffice to say, there has been a long delay and relatively small amount of students getting into the IPG site this fall, but I must remind myself that it's often about quality and not quantity -- because they are posting some work that is deep, honest, and risky. I am so proud of them, and it's been inspiring me to write, too.

Thank goodness, because I have a reading coming up downtown on Nov 21st, so I have to read something, and something new! So, here's something new. I am horrible at writing political poems, but have a lot to say to the concept of freedom right now. I was inspired by Brian, one of my students, and a poem he posted on IPG -- "Some Kind of Monster". I'm thinking of reading his poem with mine (or having someone else read it for him, or have video of him reading it himself to play there?), because they are so closely related. I read this poem of his last spring and it wasn't even on my mind when I began writing my own. I can't post his piece due to student privacy issues, but contact me via email and I can share part of it!

Oh, and I'm posting this because I want your feedback -- so give it to me! Tear it up, it's a first draft!

xo
Lo

We, who have never been.

they call us free
but my heartbeat
contradicts the simile:
freedom is like an eagle
soaring upon the
crisp, November wind.
this has never been.
we live in meter and time,
rhythm and rhyme, and
off---beat sta – ca—to –
or a syncopation or simpatico
is always suspect.

tell me
about freedom
again.

i want to hear the fiction
we paint on the backdrop
of our lives to cover up
the true background.

1865 to 2009 –
are we off that?

so we turn the cheek
to what we see
and retell the story
we’ve been trained with.
yet everyday a siren blares
pulling someone over;
the usual suspects.

everyday a block walked,
a stop and search,
tear you down because
you are young, black and
obviously dangerous.

what did you know and
when did you know it?
tell me about the first time
the dream had a crack in it,
had a rip and tear
that you just swear
you could overlook.

this dream deterred
has never been built
on a belief of equality,
just a borrowed billboard
slogan to help us buy
into our bigotry.

“miss, that’s racist!”
they say, without knowing
how deep the puncture
wound really goes.
our lungs are collapsing
as we search for breath
but pull in water and wool,
our eyes swollen from salt
that has never flavored
our own distaste
for another race.

fake bakesales

Trying to push your students to get to the next level is often really difficult. Especially when they're your babies and they're now in 10th grade and no longer in your class, so you don't have the daily influence like you used to. For my Live Poets, it became incredibly clear to me that they need a push when we were planning our first fundraiser of the year. They were like: "We're doing a bake sale, next Wednesday, we'll all bring stuff -- break!" and they ran out of the huddle like Tate Forcier - a little too quickly. I decided to deliberately sit back, watch and see what happened. Ooooh, it was painful for me, a self-confessed control freak, to not remind them and call home to tell their parents about it and bake 5 batches of brownies to help the bake sale happen. I made a conscious decision this year that THEY are going to step up the responsibility level. Sometimes they need to watch it fail in order to realize how to make it succeed.

So, the day came and no one remembered to bring in their baked goods. Masters of the last-minute switch-up, they were prepared to run to the grocery store, buy myriad Entemann's cakes and call it a bake sale. I pulled them all together and met with them instead. I pretended to be very upset, but I think they saw my smile, and they knew it was an opportunity for me to get up on my soapbox. But I surprised them again. They're used to being yelled at outside of school when they make a mistake and all of the calm that I bring does not undo the rest of their lives.

(stepping up onto the imaginary soapbox)

"Guys, what happened?"
"We forgot. We're so sorry, Lauren."
"Don't apologize to me. Talk to me about what you'll do next time so this doesn't happen again."
"Well, we need to each know what everybody is bringing in, and we need to remind each other."
"Okay... so..."

Thing 1: "I'm making brownies."
Jazzy: "I can't bake, so I'll help with advertisements."
Lechuga: "Me too!"
Eazy E: "I'll make the signs... it should have the new logo on it."
Yung LA: "Yo, cake. White cake, chocolate frosting. Tell my dad, will you? He won't believe that I have to bake a cake for school."
Jay-Arr: "Cookies... chocolate chip. They're my mom's favorite."
Jazzy: "Can you make that red velvet cake?"
Me: "Sure. I'll also get change for the customers... what else?"
Princess P: "Mami and I will buy some of those Entemann's cakes, everyone loved those last time and they're a good profit."
lols
O.J.: "What can I do? Can we do a push-up contest to attract attention?!? I got this!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Jazzy: "Spread the word. Maybe we can all put it on our away msgs a few days before, to let everyone know, plus posters and signs."
Yung LA: "I'll tell the Prez and P will tell Mami about it. "
Princess P: "What about drinks? Oh and plates and stuff?"
Me: "I have plates, napkins, silverware... maybe the Prez can bring drinks?"
O.J.: "I'll ask him on aim tonight."
Me: "Okay, so we got this. Next Thursday. Oh, who's gonna fill out the fundraising request?"
Jay-Arr: "I gotchu, Lauren."

(fin)

It was only after this conversation took place and the REAL bake sale got planned that I gave them their University of Michigan Education hats. They were wilin, and every single one of them wore them to school the next day. When asked if they wanted to go back to Detroit the next year, or go somewhere else, because the AMC has been moved, they didn't even flinch. "Um, we have to see grandma! And we never saw Ann Arbor, and where you live, so we gotta go back."

"So, let's do this."
Break huddle. Spread offense. We got this.

xo
Lo

A letter from 2001.

I always think it's important to talk about 9/11, and to remember. Watching the towers fall from the front steps of my apartment building is an image that is forever burned into my mind. This year in my classroom, I read a poem that I wrote a few years back to my students, and asked them for any images that stood out. L said "the part about seeing tanks on the street, feeling so close to war and that you called this crime scene home". We broke that line down a little bit and I asked about why I would call it a crime scene. J responded "because it is a crime that all of those people had to die, for oil".

Now, as a teacher, I have shifted the way that I speak about my experiences, and my after-thoughts. It is not my job to indoctrinate my students with my political beliefs, and it is interesting to hear them say that Bush was behind the attacks. I wonder about the origins of those statements and I need to be careful to frame my words with "some people believe it was like this... others argue that it was like this." I do not seek to raise parrots in my classroom, but want these kids to listen to information, ask questions and make their own decisions about what they believe (about 9/11 and everything else we talk about).

Most of my students were 6 when it happened. I was 21, senior year of college; I was working as an RA in the dorms at the New School. we had just opened up a dorm three blocks away from the Twin Towers. I was at that dorm two days earlier, commenting on the view of the towers from the western windows. But whether or not my students remember, I still think it's important to remind them. (and sometimes, I learn how personally they were affected by it... all my love to your famly, I.) It is a massive moment in our history, when some would say the U.S. was dethroned from our self-appointed dynasty.

While I fervently desired to teach before 9/11, the urgency increased afterward, because I realized how closely ignorance is related to a reactionary response to a situation like this. My prayers and blessings to the families who are remembering their lost loved ones, and who do not have the luxury of forgetting this day.

I was searching for words yesterday, and a quick google search of myself reminded me of what I had to say about 9/11 in 2001. I was so much more eloquent then, so I am re-posting... it is 8 years old, but it's surprising how relevant it still is, because we are still at war. Let's bring our soldiers home and worry about our domestic issues, America. Let us no longer be the oppressor the world over.

xo
L

Letter to a girl at school
By Lauren Michele Fardig

This is a letter I wrote in response to a classmate who had written an article for Newsweek titled "The Day The World Changed, I Did, Too" (Oct. 1, 2001 issue, p. 9). It was about her feeling patriotic and pro-war because she felt that a war focused on terrorists is the only way to keep "us" safe. I have to ask, "Who is ‘us’?" Anyway, I know that it has been a month and that everyone is "trying to get back to normal" but that is impossible for me.

October 12, 2001, 4:29 a.m.

Rachel,
Hey there. I feel weird typing out a letter to you, but for some reason I’ve been doing all of my writing on the computer lately, which is unlike me, but oh well. I’ll take writing in whatever form it wants to come in these days.

It’s been difficult for me to write during the past month. I’ve been writing a lot, but it’s not the peaceful release that it used to be. Writing itself has become an act filled with anguish – an act of resistance – because sometimes I feel like words are the only weapons I have (and would want to have) so I must use them wisely, especially in times like this.

I want to talk to you about your article, because I think it’s very honest and talks very emotionally about how you’re feeling regarding the World Trade Center attacks. I too denounce violence against Arab-American and perceived Arab people in this country and abroad, but I must say that I am strongly anti-war. I don’t believe that I am confusing justice and revenge when I make this statement and I don’t believe in complete pacifism in this circumstance whatsoever. I do think that the people responsible for the hijackings should be brought to justice, but I don’t think that a focused war on terrorists is something that will keep anyone the safest.

I heard on the radio today that despite this week’s bombings in Afghanistan, bin Laden and the leaders of the Taliban are still safe. I know that they have already begun and it will be difficult (if not impossible) to convince the American government to stop bombing, but I do think that the people going to be most affected by these bombings are the Afghan civilians. I think that releasing some sanctions on Middle Eastern countries combined with the U.S.’s participation in the creation and implementation of an international criminal court would be a much more humanitarian option to bombing countries in which a fundamentalist terrorist group resides. Knowing bin Laden’s history as a CIA operative in the 80’s, I don’t doubt that intelligence has some reasons for sincerely believing his involvement, which they are not explicitly relating to the people. But until we know that, and taking into account the video that was released last Sunday of bin Laden speaking, I am not fully convinced that he is responsible.

That aside, I do want you to know that it has been extremely important to me to think critically about U.S. involvement in the Middle East AND allow myself the space to feel and deal with the grief and sorrow of knowing that thousands of people died a mile from my house. The plane crashes were intentional, well executed, despicable and utterly unjustifiable. I do see how the U.S.’ imperialist and interventionist role in foreign policy, not only in the Middle East but in Nicaragua, Cuba, Panama, El Salvador, Vietnam, Puerto Rico, and all over Africa and Latin America, has fueled large amounts of hatred toward the American government from many Third World countries. I do understand how people at school could say things like, "This is our own fault" and such, though I think it’s a really simplistic and reactionary way to put things into perspective. No one on those planes, in those buildings, or trying to save those lives deserved to die, and no matter what role the U.S. played in instigating such animosity in the hearts of others, that will not change. However, I think it’s really dangerous to set up an "Us vs. Them" mentality.

I know you were speaking about terrorists as the "them," but you have to understand how angry people get when a country supposedly based on freedom and democracy has oppressed them for so long. Freedom and democracy for whom? Certainly not those who are not white, not Christian, not straight, without money, illiterate and living in Third World countries. I have found it hard to find faith in patriotism in these past few weeks. Even though I was very unsure, very afraid, very confused, one thing I knew is that this was not an attack on "freedom itself" as George W. Bush stated. So many of the people working in the WTC were not free. There were more than 500 undocumented Mexican workers employed at Windows on the World who were killed, whose families are afraid to come forward with their names for fear that they will be deported under more strict INS regulations. The World Trade Center was built on a slave burial ground. We are living in a country that still thought of black people as three-fifths of a person not even 150 years ago.

I do not find solace in believing that my country will protect me. I am more concerned for the people who live in this country who are racially profiled everyday, who are incarcerated for petty drug charges and serving life sentences because they are non-white, who are beaten to death for being outwardly homosexual or trans. When I think about current safety regulations, I have to think about *who* is being made to feel more safe and just what we are defending when we strut off to war. I live my everyday life with a certain amount of privilege due to the color of my skin, the level of my education, my ability to be in a private, liberal arts college to study what brings my life passion and meaning. I do not have to think about where I am placed in the world because no one demands it of me. But I demand it of myself, because as a writer, an educator, and a white, queer, working-class woman, I strongly believe that no one can be truly human until we are all human.

We must stop dehumanizing others, and I fear that setting up an Us vs. Them dichotomy severely risks essentializing certain ethnic and religious groups as a "them" (I’m not implying that you said that, just that it could be interpreted that way). When you said, "These terrorists despise our very existence" who is the "our" you are speaking about? The U.S. is a very diverse country of all races, sexes, sexualities, classes, national origins, and religious affiliations. While it is easy to think that this was an attack on America as a whole, from the international news I’ve read in the course of my life, I do believe that many people across the world have a strong understanding of the difference between the American people and the American government. I can definitely read the symbolism in the WTC attacks as a direct hit on capitalism itself, on the invincibility that the U.S. formerly believed itself to have, on the arrogance of our false generosity in aiding under-developed countries with our own economic interests in mind.

Anyway, these are some thoughts that your article provoked in me. I definitely understand your reaction toward what’s been happening all around us, but I do think it’s important to place this action in its historical context in order to try to understand that it did not happen randomly, out of the blue without any provocation or pressure. It is all too easy to try to turn it into a battle of "good" vs. "evil", but that is irrelevant in this case. While the U.S. had a major involvement in ending Nazi takeover in Europe during World War II, we were simultaneously placing Japanese Americans in internment camps in Northern California. We have our own history of violence and genocide, which I know you did not dispute, but it is important to ask how retaliation is going to keep us safe, when it is only endangering the lives of many other innocent people.

At a march on Sunday, I listened to the father of one of the people killed in the WTC speak about how it would not make his grief subside to bomb anyone, thinking of all the other fathers who may lose sons and daughters at our hands. My current focus is definitely on education and how we can work to bring in alternative media and ideas, how we can work to use our experience to aid in the fight for social justice and change. I strongly believe that peace and diplomacy, instead of economic and military force, are necessary in order to change the circumstances that brought this attack to the U.S. Returning to normalcy is simply not an option for me; there is a heightened sense of urgency in my struggles to work for social change. I am deeply upset and entrenched in all of this and think it so crucial to bring writing, teaching and learning to the table as ways to heal, collectively. I’d like to keep on dialoguing with you about this. Thanks for your honesty and analysis.

Love,
Lauren