it is hard to believe that i go from fall to winter without a word, but have been too busy to notice the drought. i am writing all the time. my journal is ripped from the files of DMX: "ya'll gon make me write some words, up in here up in here". what i write these days are lists of things to do that go undone, financial planning that goes unused, scribbles of moments to my son and my daughter, scores and grades on random assignments on every available surface. they will have thousands of photographs to chart my kids' ascent into childhood, but i want the words to be there, too. when i am no longer, at least there are the words.
it has not yet been winter. it is december 19th, and though it is finally starting to feel cold, the signatures of global warming are marking our weather patterns, and yet still so many people are asleep. don't understand what is happening. sometimes i am reminded of the matrix, in the scene where Mr. Anderson tells Neo that human beings are like a virus, infecting a host and taking over. we have done this to our planet. the summit in Paris gives me a little hope, but i am bleak about humanity's ability to wake up - to tear ourselves from our electronic devices for long enough to realize how we are destroying ourselves. mother earth will recover from us quickly, but why do we have to live like disaster calls our names?
we are at war with ourselves. there is the incessant need by the news to create an enemy, to bring fear to the hearts of every person, which then justifies governments/companies trapsing through the world like it's a Monopoly board. and it is, to them, it's all a game. people are pawns, are property, always have been, always will be. whether the enemy is wearing hijab and prays to God by a different name, mashallah! whether the enemy is wearing a hoodie, carrying Skittles and an Arizona. we hide behind the guns that can end lives, instead of discussing differences, mutual respect and how to get along, why to get along. if they pit us against each other, we do not realize that we are in the game. ChiRaq? who put the guns in the hood in the first place?
i am tired, ill, behind on grading. not feeling the holiday spirit, but always feeling so full and grateful with what i have. my voice is crackling and threatening to give out. but i will not be quiet. there is too much at stake. our lives, our communities, our future is hinged upon waking up and using the freedom of voice that you have. it is a privilege, not a right, and it is time to move from thought to action. i will be right here, documenting what you do. i will help you, but you must move.