I have not failed, though it has been a year of steps backward. There has been movement, and progress, but it has been hard to feel positive and uplifting in a Trump presidency. Everyday is a barrage of terrible news, be it fake or too true, and I know many comrades who have found peace and joy in turning off the news. I can't shut out the world and live in a place of ignorance, though, so I try to be conscious of the time I spend on social media, and save things to read/process in rare moments of quiet. Right now, Sali is sleeping, Nas is playing a math game (thanks Amy and Mani!) and I am getting a few moments with minimal noise to consider my coordinates.
As with everything these days, I think in lists. Lists are linear expressions of what I want to achieve, and though I always fall short from completing them, they give me order in the chaos that is this world. Lists are ways of organizing, planning, which gives me a temporary and oh so fleeting sense of control. I was a control freak, but in order to survive toddlers, I have relinquished control, myself, my dignity, but not my passion. Passion I keep in a special reserve, because somethin' has to power this train.
Here are my end of year lists, to set goals for myself and set intentions into the universe. Because nothing is in my control except my actions and my attitude! (Lynn Malinoff voice) But at least I can still pretend.
Places I Want To Travel in 2018
- Dakar, Senegal
- Detroit, Michigan
- all 5 boroughs
- somewhere old and beloved
- somewhere new and adventurous
- to an ocean and a lake
Experiences I Want My Kids to Have
- camping in the woods
- gathering kindling for a fire
- catching fireflies
- reading in low light, secretly
- helping people less fortunate
- feeling loved by new friends
- the joy of seeing family
Skills I Want to Learn
- keeping bees
- growing root vegetables and a kitchen herb garden
- digital resumes
- 5 new kinds of circles to keep
- how to perfect a centerpiece