the convergence of systems in my head caused a linear breakdown. i could see the lights going out in every window along the block. used to short circuitry of this kind, i know when and how to step down. close my eyes, massage my temples. drink caffeine. there are a few strategies i've learned. perhaps now that i'm starting to understand some additional frameworks, now that i'm looking large ahead, my eyes are too small for all they're seeing. for how bright and how dark the schema is. i think big and need to sometimes remember that i am a body, i am grounded and i am not always capable of everything.
now, we all know that i need no excuses to listen to thunder. but i don't have a backup generator anaymore, my skin is showing itself to be wiser. sleep is crucial and i want to be in my dreams pretty often these days. i require time with myself to uncover what i'm really thinking about, what really grinds my gears. and let me tell you , turning inward is not usually hard for me to do, but i still have growing pains of the brain (all the time).
i will call this that. a time when i am expanding and unable to accommodate spatially what i have acquired. a reading last night said "Every book has the potential to be a teacher" (paul & elder, 15, APA citations are my life) and this is why i received 9 boxes of them today. even when my head has no room, i can always go back to them, re-introduce myself to my mentors and find that they remember me, and have silently watched me grow. just look in the margins, notice the simplicity with which i thought about things then. i used to make assertions with such conviction. how does it only get more stratified as i get older?
this too is a mark of becoming.